Unable to Trust
by T. L Wiens
“Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust. For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same? And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so? Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.” Matthew 5:43-48
Be perfect. Now that is a high place that I can’t say I’ve attained.
Loving our enemies is hard. But what do you do when the “enemy” is the church? Our local church has shunned me, asked our family not to return and spread awful rumours about us. Before this, I spent more time in ministry activities than our pastor and I did it without a monetary incentive. Why do these people hate me and how am I supposed to love them?
My prayers start out with good intentions but often take a turn towards begging God for justice. Then I must ask for forgiveness and the circle keeps going round and round.
Then I changed my prayer—I stopped trying to pray for them and asked God just to let me love them. Even though there are still a lot of raw emotions, my heart is starting to change. I’m a long way from perfection but I am on my way.
There are many people who have been crushed by the church. Men hungry for power, church governing rules that come ahead of the word of God and protecting those in leadership at any cost are just a few of the things that have sidetracked the church from loving. Please pray for those of us that have been pushed aside and discarded. We are broken and hurting. Some have abandoned the faith all together while others struggle to trust any church because of the actions of one body. And Jesus weeps.
Tammy lives in Saskatchewan with her husband. They have four children. She enjoys gardening, walks along the beach and being on the farm. She has a passion for her faith, studying the Bible and prayer.
She has published two books; Where a Little Rain Comes Down and Making the Bitter Sweet. A short story, “May’s First Christmas” appeared in Christmas Chaos, a collection of stories about Christmas experiences that don’t make the fronts of Christmas cards. “Careful What You Whisper” is another short story about Tammy’s experiences after breaking her back. It can be found in A Second Cup of Hot Apple Cider. Visit her website for more information about Tammy’s books and workshops.